A LADY WITH A LAMP I SEE

When I was nine I wanted to be Florence Nightingale. Liked her name. Thought a nightingale was a bird that sang after dark. A small silver bird whose song was low and long and sweet. Saw her name on the blackboard in school. Mrs Prusser wrote it up there and call on youngins to come up and diagram sentences about Florence Nightingale. Mrs Prusser called on me first and sentence I was supposed to diagram was, Florence Nightingale believed God called on her to become a nurse.

Must be powerful thing. Havin God tell you what you do. He aint told mama or daddy what to do. Mama worked the police station workin radio for patrol. Daddy worked Southern Bell most his life. Climbin poles and fixin em. Reckon I'd work police radio too after school if I made it. Kept waitin for God to call on me and tell me what I was or what I would be. He never did. Wondered why he tell Florence what she gone be. I heard bout other folk bein called on by God. Wondered why he aint never called on me. I went to church. I sang them hymns. Paid attention to preacher's preachin. Nothin ever happened.

Couldn't diagram that sentence about Florence Nightingale. Drew a rocket and lines comin off the rocket but I aint member how to put the words. I just wrote FLORENCE on the side of the rocket in big letters and I turn round and look at Mrs Prusser and her face all wound up tight and sour. Liked the way the rocket looked. Looked like somethin that led to Heaven. Florence's rocket. Gone ways to Heaven. To be with God.

Next time I heard that name was at Huddle House ten years later. I was waitin on the manager, Mr. Bix, cause he was gone interview me for waitress job there and the other girl I was waitin with her name was Florence Nightingale. I say uh uh you lyin when she tell me her name and she say no I aint and ask me if she can have one of them Basic 100s and I give her one. We sat there and drank tea and smoked and sometimes it got weird cause we aint had nothin to say. An I reckon it was the job, either her or me. And when I think that I got all mad at her. I ask her if God call her to Huddle House.

What did you say girl, she said. I said did God call on you to do this job. God called on Florence Nightingale to be a nurse. I reckon he call on you to be a waitress. You aint got to tell me. I just never met no one who got called on. That's all. You want another cigarette?

Mr Bix was busy with something in the back and he come out few times and apologize to both of us and asked us if we wanted to get something to eat before he talked with us that would be fine. I member his shoes was so shiny I could see my face in em when I look down. Just like a mirror. He had one of them thin mustaches that don't look like a mustache at all an he had a pocket watch. Aint never seen one of them. Aint known no one to carry one. Florence got a fried chicken sandwich with extra mayonnaise and pickles and I got brown toast and grape jelly. It came out real quick and Florence ate her chicken sandwich like she aint eaten in days and ever time she took a bite mayonnaise would drip out the back and onto her plate.

You know how to diagram sentences, I say, and she look at me and chew and then she says, what? And I said, sentences. You know, how they cut up the words and put em on lines and things comin off rockets. And she goes no. I aint seen that. And I tell her I diagramed her name once. I went through my purse and got a pen out and drew a rocket on a Huddle House napkin and wrote FLORENCE on it. See, I say. I showed her the napkin. Just like that. Do you like the way it look? I guess so, she says. We sat quiet and Mr Bix come out the back and met first with Florence and I hear him ask you go by Flo and I aint able to hear what she answer.

It was quiet. I tried to think about how a Nightingale's song would sound. I thought maybe it would sound like God's voice when he call on you. Like it aint words sayin somethin. It just sound but you known what He meant. No ways about it. I wondered if I aint missed my song. Like I wonder if He already sung to me and I aint picked up on it. Maybe I aint ready to hear no song. Maybe He only call on those who ready. Wonder when I gone be ready.

Florence squealed all loud and did this karate kick in the air right there in Huddle House and half folks in there jumped when she did. I jumped and I seen it comin. I got the job, she says, her face all red like she overheated. Mr Bix tells me he gone keep my application on file. That's what they do. And I hear him and it's words and not a song, long and sweet and slow so I known that I aint called on to do this and that I just got to keep lookin and listenin out so as I aint missed it again.