FEED ME

Newlywed Game's on. Dinner rush's over. Ronald's already taken his apron off. Mary Lee slumps over the counter, arms folded, eyes blank brown tired. Slashes through nearly all dishes on the slate behind her except for Feed Me. I order Feed Me. I get a cup with ice and fill it with sweet tea from a plastic pitcher on the counter. Contestants keep saying "whoopie" on Newlywed Game. Some sayings are bleeped out with a cuckoo sound.

Tall Coca-Cola cooler to left of counter full of orange juice and Minute Maid sodas and premade salads. TV sits on top of that cooler. Tall Coca-Cola cooler to right of counter full of Cokes and Diet Cokes and Sprites and creamer. Ronald keeps cans of Budweiser hidden behind the creamer. Ronald starts drinking beer around nine p.m. It's almost nine p.m. Mary Lee sets my plate down and asks if I need anything else. It's a platter, a paper platter, brimming with reheated leftovers. Feed Me allows Tony's Restaurant to dispense with leftovers. When people order Feed Me they are asking to be fed. Whatever you got. Put it on my plate.

Tonight it's jambalaya, red beans and rice, dirty rice, andouille sausage, onion rings, and garlic bread. Platter's full of butter and grease and smells like file and sage and fried stuff. Gal on Newlywed Game says strangest place she's had whoopie was "in the rear." Ronald laughs so hard he sprays beer all over himself. He keeps a handle of Inver House Scotch under the counter. It comes out around 9:15. It's 9:15. Handle's out. Ronald's drinking Inver House out of a Tony's Restaurant coffee mug. No one that works here is named Tony.

Coroner sits alone at the long communal table. He's talking to Mary Lee. She's still slumped over the counter. Ronald brings a Budweiser to me in a cup. He winks at me when he sets it down. I thank him. He gives me the thumbs up walking away. Did she just say she took it in the butt, Mary Lee asks no one in general. Coroner's still talking about something. His way of talking is slow and agonizing and he's talking about something agonizing and terrific in the true sense and it doesn't look like Mary Lee wants to hear about it.

She loaded up the El Camino with the kids all seven of em and the dog and their goshdern pets too the turtles and hamsters and the little gals got their dolls and the little guys got their army men and squirt guns and she loaded them up in the car and drove from Cork all way to Jackson Lake and she drove through the gate and drove through the chained off ramp and drove down the ramp and goshderned drowned herself and them youngins and their pets. She killed em all. Prolly would've killed her husband too had he been home. He come in from Newton County from his firefighters job and po lease got to tell him his family drowned dead cause his wife. You never seen such nothin on a man's face.

Coroner's still picking at a piece of strawberry shortcake and he's got the whipped topping all over his sleeve and he's sucking on a toothpick all while eating at it and Mary Lee sits there looking blankly at the TV. Ronald's standing there sipping Scotch from the mug and he looks at the Coroner and says, Jesus Chrise don't that beat all? And the Coroner looks over at me and says, this for few ears and not for the goshdern paper. Hear me, partner? I nod and Coroner looks at my platter and looks at Ronald and says, what in the hell's he got to eat? Looks like mule shit on a plate.