HEARTY

An ox heart is roughly the size of a deflated soccer ball and is festooned with all sorts of lovely martian fat that makes it appear a bit more grisly than it truly is. They set you back about $2 at the grocer, and if you know an unassuming cattleman, chances are you can get your hands on as much beef offal as you can carry.

The long slow cook is the ox heart's predestination. From happy graze and laze to the butcher's bloodsoaked floor, Ollie Ox is only thinking of food and sex and little more I would imagine. For as idiotic as they outwardly appear - getting caught in ditches and whatnot - they certainly have a grasp on the most pressing issues. If you happen to procure a happy heart, you'll need to bathe in in court bouillon for about seven hours at low heat. Little more than the clean, crisp broth will do.

I cleaned my heart of unesscessary fat and chopped it into enticing shapes mostly angular and likely to appeal to sodomites or folks compelled to "talk architecture." To each his/her own. Then it's to the charcoal grill or the broiler for a good exgterior sear. The last thing you truly want to do is make the heart any more rubbery than it is. Watch the heat. Embellisment is not an option here. I like a nice flurry of sea salt. Maybe some horseradish. Then there's red onion - pickled in house - and reddened with beet juice.

Maybe auquavit is in order...