THE JULEP

Right up there with the dry martini, the mint julep soothes, cools and downright destroys one's ability to make cogent judgment(s). It tastes like good sweet tea, the sickeningly sugary stuff steeped by the bucket in rundown meat-and-three and BBQ joints all over the rural south.

Here's how I make mine. The foundation of the julep is simple syrup. Add two cups of sugar to two cups water and bring to a boil. When the sugar has incorporated seamlessly into the boiling water, add a pound of local mint sprigs, picked through and washed. No stems, plz. Take the mixture off the heat and let it steep.

Twelve to 24 hours later, you have a seductively sticky emerald liquid. Ah.

Fill a tumbler with crushed ice. Two to three tablespoons of the syrup. Fill glass with bourbon. Stir. Top with mint sprig. That's it.

My buddy Tim and I used Blanton's once and it was almost too good. I've had juleps with Jim Beam, Four Roses, Rebel Yell, Old Grandad and Early Times. ET is the traditional bourbon for the Derby. Tim said that Churchill Downs has the tipple premixed and ready to pour.

Remember: YOU ARE DRINKING STRIAGHT ALCOHOL OUT OF A TEA GLASS. IT CAN - AND USUALLY WILL - GET UGLY.